Ted Lange’s Mustache Mortar

Got a hot date tonight but your face is as barren as a desert island? You’ll be mustachioed in minutes with Ted Lange’s Mustache Mortar. You just sweep, save and scoop your barber clippings into the handy funnel spout. Point it at your face and fire at will. Then shave into the style of your choice. Ted Lange’s Mustache Mortar… the official gunpowder-based recycled facial hair applicator of Princess Cruise Lines!